Keep Your Nerds, Follow These Words – Do Not Buys

Shopping for a nerdy individual is much more difficult than some may think. Follow these simple rules to keep your geek happy and cheerful over the holiday season.

Do Not Buys:

1. Clothes – Under no circumstances is it ok to buy a Technology-Buff clothes for Christmas, ever.

2. Toiletries - A healthy geek likes the odour that surrounds them. Buying bathroom related products ie. shampoo, deodorant, shaving gel, creams or cologne is a no no. These items probably have never touched the majority of geeks and we’d like to keep it that way.

3. Alcohol – This particular depressant is usually welcome, but we can buy this ourselves at any point in time.

4. Furniture – For the love of all that is run on batteries do not think because we have no furniture in our houses/condos/multi-million dollar mansions that we would like you to purchase it for us.

5. Computer Hardware – The stuff that goes inside a personal computer is very near and dear to our hearts. This means that we would like to buy these components ourselves. Each geek has a special feeling towards CPU’s, Graphics Cards, etc…Some like it Phenomenal and some like it Cored.

These rules are just guidelines. If your Geek/Nerd specifically asks for any of the above by all means please buy it. Especially if it’s the toiletries…have you ever been inside a IT call centre?

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Hiring a Web Designer? Some tips to make them crazy!

I’ve been running a web design department for quite some time, and it’s quite easy to send me over the edge these days. It’s not because I hate the job, it’s not because the company or people are awful to work with. Nope, they’re actually super cool. The real problem is the fact that the customers have unrealistic expectations for what they pay for.
These tips will send your designer over the edge and possibly to the centre for addiction and mental health:

1. Tell your designer that you want a website that has the functions and design of MySpace, Facebook and YouTube — in one.
2. Ask for a discount (usually on their already rock-bottom prices). If you are an existing hosting customer, ask for free web hosting for a year! That’ll grind their noodle.
3. The designer or manager will ask you for your sites content before the project can begin. Make sure to tell them that you have everything prepared and ready-to-go even if you don’t. Once ready to send the content, send multiple emails each with a small piece of your content. There’s nothing more annoying then waiting for content in order to finish a website.
4. After you have agreed upon the initial contract/proposal ask for a quote minus a few of the options that you originally wanted.
5. Do not under any circumstances listen to the suggestions of your designer. They may know what’s best but what’s the fun in that.
6. If the designer or manager asks what you would like to be able to manage (edit/add) on the site yourself. Say that your site is going to have millions of visitors and that you’ll need to update all facets of the site.
7. A logo is one of the most important aspects of a website. When the designer asks for yours, send them a low-resolution image in *jpg format or send them a old business card.

At this point, if you were to try any other stunts the designer and manager would probably have to quit or end up like the guy in the above picture. Enjoy!

If you have any of your own, comment and we’ll place them as additional points.

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Vista Upgrade or not?

Vista Upgrade or not?

Microsoft Vista has some great enhancements and features. After all, it’s been a project in the making for several years. Of course with any new operating system release from Microsoft, there is always a warming period, or a certain amount of time that need to pass to allow the operating system to mature, and to get the bugs out so to speak. At that point, there are a number of patches and security fixes that are released in a service pack. Essentially a collection of these patches and fixes, all rolled up into one big download.

Usually, this warming period takes about a 6 months to a year, however with so many early adopters of the newest flagship software from Microsoft, that timeframe is quickly shortened.

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Seagate’s Free Agent Go Review – portable desktop to go!

Seagate FreeAgent Go

This is a portable storage device like no other! This is not just a hard drive, “plug and go-do what you will” solution, but rather a portable datacenter!

The Seagate Free Agent Go combines the best of portable storage, personal preferences, and portability. There are several models with 80Gb, 100Gb and 120 gigabytes of storage. There is also a home solution of 320Gb, 500Gb and 750Gb. The portable product line works on PC’s and MAC’s, however the bundled software called Free Agent Tools is only Windows compliant. Mac users can use the format utility to enjoy the storage space only.

For the musician, this is the answer. Try tracking your band and taking those tracks with you. USB memory sticks just don’t have enough space to be practical. You may even have been forced to dither, or reduce the sample rates, or worse, convert your data to less popular format.

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May Vista be with you!

May the Vista be with you!

Windows in all it’s versions eventually will die. The lifecycle of an operating system is designed that way. Just as the computer industry forces you to upgrade and update, so do the software manufacturers. The rumor is that Windows XP will not be supported by Microsoft by the end of this year. These are unsubstantiated, but nevertheless, the outcome is inevitable. This is nothing new. Windows 95, 98, 2000 and XP all have a lifespan of about 5 years from release to retirement. Some however, like Windows Millennium had even less of a lifespan. WinME is like the ugly duckling of Microsoft Operating Systems. Sweep it under the carpet and forget about it.

What does the term unsupported really mean? Well, it means that Microsoft will no longer release patches and fixes, nor support the product (for free) via their technical support lines, websites, and forums. You will be able to purchase support, and will of course be able to use 3^rd party services for support. Bottom line, if you have a problem with a driver, or a software conflict, you’re on your own to resolve it. There may be some exceptions to patches being released – if there are major security issues or events that warrant a patch. Microsoft of course will make those determinations on a case by case basis.

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Jewbuntu – Ubuntu for Jews

Originally from http://www.jewbuntu.org/
What is Jewbuntu?

Jewbuntu is a variant of a variant of the Ubuntu Operating system designed specifically for Jews. Like the editions put out by the goyish communities, such as Ubuntu CE and ME, Jewbuntu takes the best that Ubuntu has to offer, and adds special open-source software and packages that appeal to a Jewish Audience.

Features and Benefits

• Jewbuntu is Free!
• Jewbuntu contains the Torah in its original Hebrew form, as well as the entire liturgy for the entire year!
• All religious text are denominationally aware – for example, if you are Conservative or Reform it will remove the portions of the Torah not acknowledged by your denomination, and utilize the proper liturgy.
• In addition to the Security tools in standard versions of Linux, Jewbuntu comes with Insecurity tools that were specially designed to encourage users to keep their system up to date. Instead of displaying a simple ‘New Updates are Available message’, it prompts you with – ‘ Go ahead, don’t patch me, it’s not as if I’m important enough to be hacked, and even if I am, what’s the worse that can happen – so you lose a few pictures of the Grandchildren that you haven’t sent you Mom yet, she’ll live.’
• Did we mention, it’s F-R-E-E!
• Jewbuntu can also be configured to automatically update your computer, and then notify you that it updated itself – because G-d only knows that if it had to wait for you, it would never get done.
• Jewbuntu also comes with the Mamaloshen Open Mailer program (MOM) for short. This program not only manages your e-mail and calendar, but also analyzes the events on your calendar and provides you with custom, helpful, and timely reminders (Heaven forbid you should listen). At random intervals during the day MOM will review your e-mails and calendar and offer advice tidbits. Here are some samples: “You have a date with Allison this evening – where is this going? Hey, why is it marked as an overnight event?”; “Funny, I browsed your whole schedule and noticed you didn’t have a single entry for ‘Call Mom’ so I took the liberty of adding it as a recurring event – hourly.”
• The system comes complete with RSS feeds of Classic Yiddish Insults, MP3 Hebrew Word Pronunciation Guides, and excuses for not calling your Mother.
• Once, again, there is no cost for Jewbuntu!
• Jewbuntu also has the Instant Advocacy script – this script searches the net for public opinon polls about Israel, and automatically votes once every five minutes based on your political preferences.
• It’s FREE so what are you waiting for? Download it already!

Variants:

Jewbuntu has several variants including:

• JAP Edition – has a special payment service that automatically charges Daddy’s credit card
• Mixed-Marriage Edition – Combines the best of Ubuntu CE and Jewbuntu. Also includes ‘Jewish tips for Goyim’ MOTD; The only caveat is that you can’t install the Orthodox Denomination
• Goojubuntu – Are you a Googler? Want the best of Jewbuntu, but also the best of the Goobuntu distro? Goojubuntu combines both in one easy to download package. BONUS – includes a special translating tool – GooGooGaJew – which changes all long U sounds into the Google-Kitschy oo – i.e. Kugel and Bubbaleh become Koogle and Boobaleh respectively.

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Technical Support Attitude!

(part of an ongoing saga. See the previous articles, as well – here and here)

Just because you buy a PC form a certain manufacturer, that doesn’t entitle you to owning the tech. Owning – as in – I called tech support and Owned the tech, or The customer called me and I owned him – both examples do NOT apply. The only thing you own is the pc, nothing more, and not even the software on it. You are only allowed to use the software, you don’t own squat. Remember that the next time you call for technical support. And all you technicians out there in help desk land, you need to listen as well. You don’t have the right to be rude, or talk down to the customer no matter how much you may think they deserve it. You don’t own anything either – You both need each other! No tech = no support, No customer = nothing to support = no job.

Nothing turns a tech support call south than attitude, whether it’s the customer – either out of frustration, or a false sense of superiority, or the technician from a long day at the office, or inability to deal with newbies. Communicating technical support problems and solutions is not easy by any means. It takes a special knack to fix a problem without seeing it, and describing a problem to a technician when you’re not a technician. Try it sometime, as a test, maybe try telling your spouse of children how to make a sandwich over the phone, and give them every detail of how you want it made. Harder than you think!

Customers – Do not challenge the technician, let them initiate the call, and go through their procedures. They do this every day and are trained to deliver a speedy solution. Let the technician speak, and keep your answers to a minimum yes or no. The technician will take you through the steps to get you off and running as quick as he can.

If you do not agree with his solution, or feel that he has not completed the task, politely explain your concerns and continue the call. If you are polite and explain your concerns calmly, you will be able to work with them until the problem is resolved.

If the solution provided is not acceptable, or inadequate, again say so. If you have reached the end of the road, then ask to be escalated to 2^nd level support. Note that you cannot just haphazardly ask to be escalated. It’s like a get out of jail free card, use it wisely. Make sure you are entitled to the support you are requesting. Make sure the product you are having problems with is indeed covered under your support warranty.

No, Microsoft Office does not come with Windows! So forget about yelling at the PC manufacturer because they won’t support you for free. Call Microsoft.

Don’t even think about getting angry or name calling! Technicians have enough stress fixing problems, let alone social working. Want to end a call and get nowhere? Try raising your voice or calling a tech a name. And don’t think they don’t share information. They can easily put a note in your history that says rude, or irate, or that you name call. See what kind of support you get the next time you call. And you know what, You deserve it. You ever call your mechanic a name, how about your doctor? I think you get the point. Respect and love your tech! It’s all good!

Technicians – Not every caller is stupid, and they are people too. Try putting a smile on your face before you answer the call. Believe it or not you mood is transparent to callers, and a bad mood can turn a routine call into a supervisor’s glare in an instant. Your tone of voice can be misinterpreted and sound like you are a computer god – dictating to your minions. Vocal inflections, or worse yet a monotone voice will convey the no-care , I’m better than you attitude. You’re there for 8 hours, might as well relax and stay awhile.

Bored, feeling burnt out? Been on the same product queue for months, ask to be cross trained and breed some new life and interest into your tech support abilities.  If you know you’re going to be in this product queue for a while, find ways to make it interesting. Try to streamline the common answers. Think about the questions you often solve. Think about the questions and answers you ask the customer and find a way to improve the process. If you ask questions and the customer asks you to repeat it, then reword it.

If your call is too cold and stiff, try making light, talk about the weather, offer some friendly advice to avoid problems such as the customer is experiencing. Offer some links, or websites for reference – check with your  employer’s policies first though, make sure you’re not breaking any rules, or sending them to the competition!

If you don’t know the answer – say so. Don’t bother confusing the matter. Tell the customer you don’t know the answer, and try to find the answer. If you cannot, offer them some tips to finding it themselves. Or call them back with the information – again, if your company allows that practice.

Scripts – By now, you must have the caller greeting script permanently forged in your brain. Try changing it slightly to suit your personality. That can work wonders in your attitude and customer perceptions. You’re not a robot and we know that!

Let the man speak – by god man! We know its frustrating listening to a non technical person explain their problem. They get emotional and tell you everything except what you need to hear to fix the problem. Regardless, part of your job – admit it or not – is to counsel and advise. You have to help the customer as well as the problem they are experiencing. This takes a good ear, some compassion, and some patience! You never know who is on the other end of the phone. Respect the customer, and all is good!

Without customers, there are no jobs. And of course, we’re all someone else’s customer at some point.

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